It’s a new year.
It’s a new year.
For many, this means new beginnings, new goals… a fresh start filled with hopes and dreams. For others, this means pressure to do more, to improve, to be “better”, to work harder…a time when the world expects more of you. Whether you fall into either of these categories, or somewhere in between, the fact is that the calendar has changed, we will now write 2023 on our checks (if you still write them!) and we will begin looking at what has happened recently as “last year” or “the past.”
I have never been a fan of resolutions as they seem to come with more pressure than anything. I am, however, a fan of goals. Maybe that sounds like the same thing to you, but it doesn’t to me. Let me explain. First, those of you who already know me have likely heard me say that if I was ever to get a tattoo (which I won’t), it would say “hold things loosely.” And, that is how I feel about goals as well. I like setting them, keeping them in mind, planning how I will achieve them, AND (key word) holding them loosely. If I don’t, I too will end up beating myself up when I don’t do what I set out to do as I miss a day (or two or three or four) of working out, or I give in to a piece of birthday cake, etc. For me, holding things loosely ties into two things. First, it reminds me to surrender the outcome, and second, it reminds me to be gentle with myself.
Surrendering the outcome is something I began working on long ago. There are many components to that, and an important one for sure is that we do not have control of the outcome of many situations and we also do not have control over the details of every situation. I hold this in balance with the last of the Four Agreements Don Miguel Ruiz mentions in his book by that title. The fourth agreement is “Always do your best” and if you read further in the chapter he explains that our “best” is different on each day…actually…in each moment. I may begin a day with the best of intentions and a plan that when followed would allow me to check off all the right boxes. And, something may happen that thwarts that plan. I may not get the workout in and at the end of the day I may feel like that was not my best! I may tell myself that if I really pushed myself I could have gotten it done! I may try to convince myself that even though it is 11:00 at night and I am exhausted…I could still get that workout in now! And you know what, some days that might actually happen…and other days it doesn’t. The amazing thing about that is both of those results are my best! My best on that day, at that time, in that moment. We bring what we have access to into each moment, and each decision we make. Some days we have certain tools in our box and other days we don’t. That doesn’t mean we are only doing our best when we have a full tool box. Nope! We do our best as we bring what we have access to into that moment. And, doing our best also means we are taking into consideration much more than just what that list of check boxes has on it. Our best should always consider how we feel and how resourced we are in that moment so we can give ourselves…mind, body and spirit what it truly needs.
The second thing I mentioned that surrendering the outcome involves, is being gentle with myself. Compassion is something I practice each and every day. And, if you are like me, being compassionate towards others is often easier than being compassionate towards ourselves. We say things to ourselves we would never say to others. When a part of me reminds me that I may have “missed the mark” of the goal I set for a particular day, I thank it, and I let it know it’s okay. It’s all good. If that part of me is afraid that I will be too gentle and will give myself an excuse every day, I remind it that as long as I stay in touch with myself, my inner SELF, that doesn’t have to be the outcome. If my inner critics start beating me up, I meet them too with compassion, for they are only doing what they think is necessary to help me achieve the goals I set. Compassion, compassion, compassion. It is the key!
So, a new year has begun. We can see that as whatever we want to see it as. In truth, January 1 is no different than December 31. It’s a 24 hour cycle where the clock will tick and we will go about our business like we do every other day. If the thought of a new year helps us light a fire underneath our dreams…awesome! If the thought of a new year feels like pressure…let’s work on shifting that thought. The one thing we DO have control or power over is our thoughts. And, if changing the thought doesn’t seem to help, then we need to reach deep within ourselves and see who in our system is stuck, who needs attention, who needs love and acceptance from us because at some point in the journey (especially when we were young) they didn’t get what they needed. Love them up! Let them know you feel them. Let them know that you are there, that they are safe…no matter if they reach their goals or not. Love them for who they are, just because they are, just because you are.
Peace.
