Always Look for an Open Window!
When I write my next book ( I have a couple already in the works!) the title will be “Always Look for an Open Window!” This phrase has come to mean a lot to me throughout my journey…especially the last several years. Life can be challenging…for all of us. I love my life. I am quite happy and content with my life…and that doesn’t mean it doesn’t come with challenges, big and small. For the purposes of this post, I will use an example of a challenge that has been pretty constant…ever present if you will, throughout my journey. It’s the challenge of wellness. Wellness is a broad topic for sure and that it likely why it affects so many different aspects and areas of our lives. For me, wellness has to do with body, mind, and spirit…nutrition, movement and exercise, prayer and meditation…and every subcategory of each of those! I would be less than honest if I didn’t admit that weight has been a struggle of mine for many years. We certainly know by now that concerns about weight are 100% subjective. Each person has their own ideas, goals, expectations and struggles and I am no exception.
Growing up, I witnessed my Dad going through some major health issues. Again, in all honesty, many of them were caused by his unhealthy lifestyle. My Dad was a smoker for many years, was not super active in his midlife, and didn’t have the best eating habits either. All of that caught up to him…big time. To make that part of the story short…my Dad died when I was 25. He was only 67. As I approach my 60th birthday and my husband approaches his 66th…I cannot believe my Dad was as young as he was when he died. Due to the many health issues and the long illness as a result, it seemed he was much older than 67. The last couple of years of his life were spent mostly in the hospital and he hated every minute of it. I remember visiting day after day and seeing him struggle with pain. That experience for me was a bit of a wake up call and I knew then that I did NOT want that for my life. I’ve never been a fan of hospitals (who is really?) and I have made it my goal to stay far away from them. How do I do that…well, the only thing I can do that is totally in my control is focus on my own wellness. Take care of myself. The rest (accidents, etc.) is out of my control.
My wellness journey, as I mentioned, has included everything from nutrition to exercise to prayer, meditation and mindset work. What I want to focus on here is the nutrition and exercise part of that journey. That is where the window comes in!
I have read well over a hundred books on wellness and I have tried several different eating plans and exercise plans. Sometimes things “worked” for a bit and I would either lose weight, build strength, improve cardio, and other times not so much. It’s the “not so much” times that were the most difficult. Friends and family know that I have been faithful to various plans and yet did not make the losses and gains I had hoped to make. That was difficult. Sometimes, in the past, I would “give up.” Until I saw each day…each moment of each day as a new opportunity. That is where the window comes in.
When I am working with clients who are trying to change a behavior, thought pattern, etc. we first try to discover what might be blocking them. Many times we discover the part of them that says “I tried that, it doesn’t work for me.” Although I totally understand where they are coming from, I encourage them to not give up so quickly. The parts in our system want to take care of us, they want to help us. Often, they hate to see us struggle. So, the “I give up” part means well…it often wants to rescue us from hard work and disappointment…but it doesn’t realize it is preventing us from our goals. So, for me, when I notice that part begins to whisper in my ear, I know it’s time to pay attention and look for the “windows.”
What are the windows? They are the tiny little moments (maybe only seconds) where we have an opportunity to say “yes!” or to “try again!” They come and go quickly and if our “I give up” part has its way with us…we will never see these windows and if we do, we will find every excuse to not go through them! Noticing the window and going through it is risky. It means we are going to try again. It means the journey is not lost…it is not over. It means we are going to take a step forward…no matter how small or seemingly insignificant…we are going to take a step. It may be a small step, but it’s a step! The funny thing about windows though, is that they don’t always seem to be open and if they do open, they open at different times on different days. We have to be open to the possibility and recognize that the opportunity may pass quickly. Of course, we should also remind ourselves that if we miss the opportunity…if we are just not ready…no judgement…no problem…another window will open and we can try again. That is the beauty of this life. In a Course in Miracles it says if we miss an opportunity we need not worry because the Holy Spirit will hold it and will bring “it” around again. Notice the quotes on “it.” Those are mine. That means that what the Holy Spirit will bring around may be different. It may be a different person, a different job, a different activity, etc. but it will be an opportunity. Always. That’s another one of those amazing things about life. The opportunities are endless! Truly endless! We just have to have to desire to see them, the openness to notice them, and know that we have the choice to accept them or not.
So…nutrition and exercise. Some days I have wonderful motivation and some days I have to rely on discipline. Some days I don’t feel either of those. Those are the toughest days. What is always there is a desire to find the open window…the opportunity. There are times I am sitting and reading (one of my favorite things to do) and I truly “want” to exercise but can’t seem to muster up the energy. Welcome my “I give up” or my “you deserve the rest” part! I know that part means well, and I also know that it wants to keep me safe and secure so it prefers I stay right there in my rocking chair with my book. But I know that is not always what is best. So, I try. I think about walking or strength training. I notice the resistance I am feeling to those things. I welcome that part who holds the resistance. I remind myself how much better I feel when I do the exercise (or prep or eat the healthier food.) Sometimes that helps and other times my “I don’t care” part shows up. More resistance. I remind myself that I have to keep my eyes and heart open to the window. I know it is there somewhere. Sometimes I just can’t find it and I stay in my chair, or go to bed, or watch television. Then I say “not today. Today I didn’t find the window. I will try again tomorrow.” The best news is that if I commit to always trying to find the window…eventually I do! And, I never regret it!
I don’t mean to make it sound as simple as it does, but maybe it is much more simple than we think. We think we have to find the perfect diet, the perfect exercise plan, the perfect gym or exercise group, etc. But we don’t. We just have to find the open window and go through it. We have to know that there will be a window. It may be a big window, easy to find, and it may be a tiny little window just opened a crack, but it will be there.
I used the example of nutrition and exercise as that has been one of my biggest challenges, but this can apply to anything you may be struggling with. Maybe it is a sense of sadness, melancholy, anxiety, loneliness. Look for the window. And, if you can’t find the windows…reach out to someone who can help you. Sometimes finding the window takes a bit of work. We have to know what we are looking for. We have to decide that we truly want to find it. We have to notice what we are feeling, saying to ourselves, how we are behaving and what our body is telling us. We have to learn to listen…really listen. There will be a window. I promise. I hope you never give up…but if you do…try again tomorrow!
